Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
