I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
