Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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