I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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