I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
