I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
