He is such a slut. More and more my type.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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