you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
