Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
