Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
