She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
