Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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