I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
