WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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