Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
