She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
