Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
