yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
