$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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