if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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