Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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