I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
