at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
