I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
