I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
