Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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