I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i can run in heels then i can drive
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize