i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
