your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
