I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
