What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We're too hungover to prance.
Pants are for mortals
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