Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
