if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My penis needs a shock collar
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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