How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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