Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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