i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize