Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
