i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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