he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
