It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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