Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
