dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
