Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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