Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
