So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
