this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
