Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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