we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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