I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
