After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
