The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
