i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
