My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you would pick up someone in the library
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
