My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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