ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
