part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
