I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
