Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
