Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
