my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
