I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Four minutes until I can fart!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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