And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
