The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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