wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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