I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
