It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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