Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
