Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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