If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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