The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
