Buhtt sex?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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