You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
