I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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