I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
