Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
