so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
