the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
