I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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