i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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