no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
