'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
