I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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