Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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