Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
smell my finger.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
