hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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