she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
