You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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