I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
