It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
