Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
