I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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