On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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