Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
