Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
