it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
