I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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