it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
