OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have already put on my inside pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
