Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
