I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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