just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
