I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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