I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
