just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
