Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
