$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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