remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
