it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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