Cold hands, warm shart.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
