She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
