Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
