I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
